this...

... is exactly what i need right now.

fighting.

"hello, this is bunny."

uttering threats.

today is the first day of daylight saving which is great because i think it may really curve my depression. i'm kidding - it probably won't.

what is not so great is working at 5:30am on this first day -- which really means it's 4:30am which means i have to wake up at 3:30am. it's literally impossible to sober up after 3 hours of sleep. i awoke to a text from my manager saying "get up you drunken slob," (or something to that effect) to which i replied, "i feel like world war one." i have no recollection of sending this and realize now that it really makes no sense anyways.

so work is fine other than me wavering on the fine line of consciousness due to my dehydration. at about noon, my friend and co-worker cluny walks through the door and after a brief discussion with the people that were working, i yell, "wow, cluny, did you wash your hair for a change today?" i didn't notice (until it was too late) that there was a lady standing in between cluny and i, and i thought that i should make sure that she knew that i wasn't talking to her... so i followed up that comment with a, "no, sorry, i wasn't talking about you."

i walk to the door that leads to the back room and start talking to cluny and others. this lady grabs her drink, storms over to where we're standing, and says to me, "do you want to get knocked out?!"

she then gets in her car and slowly drives by the front of the store, looking in as if she wants to put a hole in my head.

i was so stunned at this point and thought that i might have hallucinated this entire experience. i didn't say anything because, really, what do you say... and i certainly was not expecting it. but now that i think about it from the "safety" of my home, i'm pretty pissed. i think that i made it pretty clear that i wasn't fucking talking to you and, although you're stopping to grab your self-righteous ass a coffee before you head to church, i'm not too sure whether jesus likes it when you yell at people like that. and the reason that you got offended must be because you haven't washed your hair in a while. would i be out of line to suggest that you should use your energy maintaining your hygiene rather than yelling at me? fuck.

and i don't get paid enough to deal with threats. what the hell would i grab to defend myself? a whisk?

moral of the story - the excitement that daylight savings time brings can quickly fade if:
a) you are experiencing a hangovers of death
b) you are filled with overwhelming anxiety because, after work, you are forced to put your hood up and your head down in hopes that when you walk to your car, you arrive with all of your limbs still attached
c) a & b

dinner time.

buffet style. everyday.

i'm just saying...

if you're reading this from a laptop, it is a safe assumption that the computer is, in fact, placed on your lap.

just so you know, the radiation that is emanating from it is making you sterile.

it's probably too late now.

i'm just saying...

the height of my neurosis.

after school, i decided to go tanning. i pull up to the building full of excitement, only to realize that i don't have my tanning goggles with me. somehow, these goggles will manage to entangle with whatever i happen to be pulling out of my purse at any given time and will embarrassingly emerge as i go to pay for something or answer my phone. i actually cannot describe how embarrassing it really is.

but the point is, the one time i need these goggles, i don't have them. i don't even have my purse at all.

so i entered into panic mode because we all (well... some of us) have read the terrifying warning about how important it is to wear these things. if you don't, it is highly probable that you will experience blindness or smoke trails coming from your eyeballs or pregnancy or something really really bad.

at this point, i am frantically rifling through the junk in my car in an attempt to create some makeshift tanning goggles because, goddamnit, i don't want a baby right now. the only thing that i could find that would be relatively sufficient in protecting my eyes were coins.

so then, i enter into another whirl of contradictions because money is probably the dirtiest thing on this planet... and you'd better think twice if i'm gonna put that shit anywhere near my face. so i grab the hand sanitizer that i (obviously) keep in my car and proceed to "hand sanitize" the quarters.

i, then, stuff them in my pocket and head inside. as i get into the room and i realize that THEY PROVIDE YOU WITH GOGGLES.... and i had just spent the last 5 minutes making a complete ass of myself sanitizing coins - are you kidding me?!

as i closed the bed while wearing the provided goggles, i thought to myself,
"if these motherfuckers give me an eye infection, i'm definitely going to sue."

back to the future.

this week has been incredibly stressful for me. i do not deal well. wah wah wah.
- - -
potential future employer: so, sandi - how do you deal with stress?

sandi: "well...

(reminsces about previous exam periods and realizes that stress = chain smoking, not sleeping, drinking by yourself, and losing 10 lbs)

... i work out."

monopoly.

so i was in class last week and there was this kid sitting in front of me who turned out to be a huge annoyance. he was sitting essentially in the front row (there was no one in front of him and the prof) and, for the entire class, he sat there with his ipod in his hand and played monopoly.

gripe #1 - WHY... why why why do you come to class?! you didn't hear a goddamn word that was said and were terribly distracting. next time, spare me the misery of having an hour and a half internal debate, wondering whether throwing the chair that i'm sitting on at you would overstep my unclearly defined moral boundaries...?

now, we've previously established (in the tetris post) that when someone is on a computer, phone, or anything with a screen that has bright colors in my relative vicinity, i cannot help but enter into a hypnotic trance and stare at it. the classroom that we happened to be in is conducive to my over-obsessive staring, since it's multi-leveled. don't worry - i had a perfect view.

i've never really played monopoly before. i had a kids version of it when young, but it's hard to play board games when you're an only child. we'll leave that topic for another day.

i do know that the point of the game is to steal everyone else's money. and by the title of the game, i'm guessing that you do that by creating an empire for yourself, which eventually becomes a monopoly.

what a fabulous lesson! does anyone ever think of all of the other business men that started the game? they probably now on social assistance, waiting in line at the food bank so that they can feed their 5 children.

why can't there be game called "class conflict" that involves the redistribution of resources so that everyone has enough to eat, there are no homeless, and everyone wins? sounds good to me!

needless to say, my children will not be playing monopoly.

"what can you get your cat to eat" week.

mikey ventured into the cheez-whiz realm.

as you can see, cheez-whiz is eaten at every meal at this house. not afraid.